What’s So Threatening?

I often wonder what would happen if I just became. If I stopped trying to be or act like any- and everyone else and truly accepted me. Of course when people ask what I’d change about myself, I say I’m pretty happy with myself. Which is true– isn’t it?

My husband once took 24 days to hike the Colorado Trail (approximately 500 miles, with all the variations on the trail that he threw in for himself) from Denver to Durango. By himself. Straight through. He talks about how those 24 days were a microcosm of life and all he had was himself— to enjoy, confront, wrestle, and embrace. As he starts the story I find myself nodding and dreaming of doing the same. The some hidden, dragonish speck of my brain whispers that it’s just me. Alone. With myself. And immediately, the rest of my brain scuttles into houses, closets, under beds, bolts the doors, shutters the windows and nary a curtain waves in the breeze.

What is so terrible about me?! Some– not all– people like me. Several even love me! My husband– poor soul– knew many of my flaws and still chose to be my life buddy. If he can choose me for (hopefully) 50+ years, why do I run from the thought of myself for 24 days?

But lately, my question has shifted from “what’s wrong with me” to “what is so threatening about me?” Why the shift? I believe that there is a battle raging in the universe– impacting even the most mundane grocery run– I believe that we have a Creator who made each person, mountain, stream, raindrop, frog, flower, bug, cat, dog, and– yes– woman with a purpose of glory, meaning, impact, and beauty.

The battle started when the Enemy– he’s not my personal archenemy but God’s– decided he wanted to be the Creator. He wanted to be as beautiful, holy, worshipped, necessary, omnipotent, good, and beloved as the Creator was.

Does this sound familiar, ladies? It should. I’m convinced our catty comparisons and jealousies are an echo of this supernatural quarrel. So you can guess that happened next. That’s right. The enemy carefully and oh so casually went to the Creator’s most beloved friends and started a rumor. And just like that, relationships and reality unraveled just as the Enemy intended.

You may be wondering how this fits in with womanhood, but stick with me. It’s coming up. The unseen(ish) war between Creator and Enemy is conducted in the lives and interactions of the Creator’s children. The Creator has never given up on us and has gone to Hell and back to restore us to Him. So, if we are the Creator’s beloved, what will the Enemy attack? The beloved.

Welcome to the War Tent…

When you think of a woman, what comes to mind? Perhaps it’s an anatomical answer. Or an age answer or a female in a suit and heels, calling the shots or a mother with a husband, children, committees, and a house to run? What about a Christian woman? Or—possibly even worse—a “Proverbs 31 Woman”?

Whatever your mental image, I can bet that it is a) vague and b) not you. Don’t worry; it’s not me either. Womanhood is a vague, intimidating, just-this-side-of-dangerous concept. Can you feel it? The uncertainty, longing, disgust, and despair creeping up on you?

That is because womanhood is a dangerous topic that makes everyone just a little bit uneasy. Why? Because a woman unleashed is an awfully powerful thing.

You know Mother Nature? Mama Bear? “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Humanity and creation both recognize the feminine as a wildly powerful, ravishingly beautiful, intensely untamable force.

So. Do you feel that way? I don’t. Not most of the time. At my best, I’m perky. At my worst, I’m annoying. But fierce? Powerful? Frightening? Me? Hardly.

So what happened to me—to us? Remember those poems about sorceresses, druids, shield maidens, and women so fiercely inspiring, nations rose and fell? I don’t know about you, but that’s not the woman I see blinking in the mirror at 6:30 in the morning. In fact, if I’m honest, I don’t even see a woman. I see a girl.

Depending on your worldview, the fact that women are encouraged to out-do men at being men– tackling the business world and domestic world simultaneously, while also walking the tightrope of gorgeous but not slutty, trim not flabby, makeup but not too much, feminine but not doormat– or encouraged to be stay at home moms without any other options might tell you a bit about the nature of womanhood.

Depending on who you are, those options may imply a progressive world where women can be who and what they want. Or you might think we still have a long way to go. Or even that we’ve fallen into an immoral society that entices women away from real work: raising and rearing children.

My worldview tells me that regardless of your particular perspective, femininity, and womanhood are under attack.

I’ve never once met a woman (including myself, by the way) who is content with her lot in life, much less who she is. Women in love with their careers are haggard from the necessity to out-pace men otherwise they’ll lose their hard-earned respect or position. Mothers who dote on their children and husbands are frazzled, unfulfilled, and insecure in whether or not they’re enough.

Women are overloaded, underfed (emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychologically), overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and constantly trying to be more, feel more, do more, talk less, look this way, be that person, take on the world, never miss a beat, and look fantastic doing it all.

Do you see what I see? Look. Really look. Society demands that woman do. So? If women spend their entire lives juggling their lives when will they ever have the chance to be? Be women?

Women aren’t machines but we the world sure expect us to act like it. Think back to the inspiring beauty, the windswept sorceress of poems, history, and fiction. Did they seem frazzled? Distracted? Too busy? Perfect? No.

That image was inspired by real women. I want to be that woman. I desperately want to be fierce, passionate, vibrant, and a force to be reckoned with. I’m tired of being attacked and torn to bits. My worldview tells me there is a way for me to be that woman. That, in fact, I was created specifically for that purpose.

Do you want to be that woman? Or, if you think that’s a bit far-fetched, at least make it through the day feeling like you aren’t a failure? You’ve come to the right tent, my friend. Step right in and we’ll get our makeovers started together.