Echoes of Eve

When you think of a Christian woman, what do you think of? Personally, I think of anything and everything I’m not (which can mean a lot of different things depending on my mood).

What we should be expecting and seeing in the Church, however, are women who are assured that they are defended by the Creator who molded them for a specific purpose that only they can carry out. Because that is exactly who and what we are—beloved, purposed, empowered, and defended.

What I see instead are women who are afraid to tell their stories because they

  • Don’t have it “all together,”
  • Believe their sin is worse than anyone else’s,
  • Expect that they truly are unloveable,
  • Carry overwhelming shame,
  • Know their image is only skin-deep,
  • Can’t keep their house, children, husband, cars, clothes, and dishes in perfect order and happiness,
  • Ache with loneliness for someone to love and be loved by,
  • Feel unnecessary, unimportant, overweight, ugly, too much, too little, too smart, too dumb, not enough and certainly not defended.

Satan has distorted Eve’s story so that all we see are short-comings, doom, and a wrathful God. Historically, western society seems to expect women to suddenly strip naked and offer random people apples, seducing the world into sin and moral depravity. We ourselves suspect that we are less than the woman next to us, aren’t what we should be, and can’t offer anything worthwhile until we “get it together.”

And when we don’t pull off perfection, we expect God: the Old Testament Tyrant to judge us, then smite us for the tiniest mistake. And if he doesn’t punish us sufficiently, we take on the job and replay our mistakes, shames, and failures over and over again until we are incapacitated by our worthlessness.

What a victory for our enemy.

But I have news for you. God made you perfectly you. Utterly capable to achieve the good purpose He created you for (Eph. 2:10). You are an echo of Eve: life-giver, nick-of-time-helper, relationship-inviter, and enemy to Satan.

No matter the availability to evil and consequences of life after the Fall, no matter your mistakes or screw-ups, you are created in the image of God and you have dignity. But you also have an enemy. This enemy wants you shackled, shamed, and utterly deceived about your true role, power, and dignity. You’ll be no threat to him then.

Eve’s power came from accepting her role and identity as prescribed by God. Her extraordinary defense occurred because of her humility and honesty before God. I suspect that I am not the only woman who has been deceived, mocked, cheated, and shamed in my lifetime. We are no longer perfect beings living in a perfect world. That is not our role or identity on this earth. Our role as women is to stand before God and invite Him to defend us and reclaim our dignity, worth, and power.

Eve’s story guarantees that He will.

Eve: Facing the Music

Paradise—freedom, intimacy, contentment, soul-filling work without sweat or toil, as well as unity between man and woman, animals and earth, humanity and earth, creation and Creator. Even the temperature’s so perfect that nudity is not only an option, but lovely, comfortable, and slimming.

Then suddenly, with one bite, nudity is embarrassing. Intimacy is no longer comfortable and welcome. Schisms form in a marriage formerly composed of respect and nick-of-time coordination.

Two details that we need to understand at this point are 1) Adam and Woman have never had trust issues before and 2) Woman does not know Satan exists. Neither has she any reason to despise or fear snakes.

So back to the Tree. What’s so bad about knowing good v. bad? The Hebrew word for knowledge in this verse connotes an openness or experience (“Damah”). An availability to both good and evil. Whereas creation was protected from evil and provided good, there is now a leak and creation is doomed to experience both.

Similarly, Adam and Woman now experienced the duality of their form—spirit (Gen. 2:7b) and dust (Gen. 2:7a)—in contrast to the utter holiness of God. No wonder they reached for the nearest fig leaf. Now they knew there was an otherness, a separateness between themselves and God, but also between each other.

Enter God, stage right. He, as the all-knowing Creator, is not surprised at this shift. But rather than descending in power and accusation, He continues in the pattern of their relationship, inviting them to join Him for a walk (Gen. 3:8). When they do not appear, He calls to them (Gen. 3:9).

Imagine what would have happened if Adam and Woman had broken cover and run to Him, spilling out their fear and shame and confusion. That’s what God is inviting them to do. Instead, they hid and He drew them out.

When questioned by God, Adam does not take responsibility for his choice. He accuses God of dooming paradise by creating Woman. Remember, Woman was once perfect, made to match, help, and save Adam from the not-good-ness of being alone.

This is the first time something false has been spoken over Woman’s identity. You know how that feels because you’ve grown up in a fallen and false world full of sin. Imagine the sheer pain, shame, terror, and aloneness Woman felt. For the first time.

Her purpose and calling just rejected her in the presence of the Creator who could obliterate her with a word.

For those of you who consider the God of the Old Testament to be overly trigger-happy in the fire and brimstone department, let this sink in: instead of speaking Woman out of creation, God asks for her side of the story.

Her answer is surprisingly simple: “The serpent deceived me, and I ate” (Gen. 3:13). Unlike Adam’s answer, Woman conveys the facts of the situation: she was deceived and she chose to disobey.

The word she chose to use was hathal (“Hathal”). It means to deride, cheat, or mock (“Deceived”). Her confession isn’t simply an admission of her own guilt; it was an admission of what she lost at the hands of the serpent.

Think about it: when you’re bamboozled, even in fun, you feel smaller, stupid. Depending on the scam, people lose time, a bit of money, or everything. But no matter what size scam, there’s a little piece of you that feels less capable, intelligent, and powerful than it did before you were cheated.

That’s what Woman is describing. She’s not denying her choice. But she’s also telling the full, behind-the-scenes story. And guess what?

Woman had the ear of the Creator God who designed her to embody power and dignity. And Satan had just messed with her.

 

Strong, James. “Damah.” The New Strong’s Complete Dictionary of Bible Words. Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1996. Print.

— “Deceived.” The New Strong’s Complete Dictionary of Bible Words. Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1996. Print.

— “Hathal.” The New Strong’s Complete Dictionary of Bible Words. Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1996. Print.

Dangerous Reflections

Genesis 1:26-7 reveals that the Trinity’s intention in creating man and woman was to reflect His likeness. We are made in His image.

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I believe God gives us a little glimpse into what that means by giving us children and bloodlines. When I was 8, I couldn’t tell which school photograph was mine and which was my dad’s.

When I teach and a student says something demeaning of themselves, you can believe I sound like my mother. I even stand like her and use the same gestures.

I reflect my parents, some in looks and some in personality. My sisters, neices and nephews all very obviously belong in my family. We’re unique, but we reflect one another.

That is what I believe Genesis 1:26-27 is talking about. We are each unique, but if you look closely enough, you can tell we belong to the same Daddy.

And I believe that each sex has something unique that captures a different facet of God that the other is missing.

Most women seem to have three things in common: passion, relationships, and communication.

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I recognize that not all women are the same. I am as bizarre and oddly female as they come. Just ask my Bible study ladies. They have been wondering about me for some time now.

Regardless of the specifics, women long for relationship of some sort, be it romantic, soul-friends, or just acquaintences. We want to be known. And we go out of our way to communicate with others in order to achieve that “known-ness.”

Some of the women I know prefer online relationships and are silent in the face of another person. Other women want to be a couple inches away from your face as they communicate their depth.

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But here is what makes us unique from men: we want to communicate ourselves deeply and fully, sharing our experiences, joys, sorrows, and confusion with one another.

Maybe it’s just me, but men tend to share information. Women share life.

So how does that reflect God? Consider Genesis 1. God existed in perfect relationship with himself. He needed nothing, but He created the world, everything in it, and a man and a woman.

He walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day (Gen 3:8). Why? Considering His track record, I’d expect He wanted relationship.

And then, when Adam and Eve chose themselves over Him, God sent His Son, who would be a sacrifice so pure, it would restore our relationship with God forever.

Our craving for relationship as women seems to stem directly from our Father who made us.

In addition to restoring a relationship with rebellious people instead of destroying them, God spent thousands of years and used dozens of authors to put His heart and soul into a 66 book love letter to us.

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Then He sent a part of himself (the Holy Spirit) to live in us and translate His word so we would understand the depth of love He put into that letter and the character of the One who crafted it.

I’d say the desire for communication seems pretty familiar as well.

You and I reflect the image of God. And if we truly grasped and experienced the depth of His extravagant love for us? If we explored the depth of His character and allowed Him to do the same with us?

That right there, friend, is what Satan is so afraid of. 

If we experienced the depth of relationship and love with the God of Time itself that He wants us to, there is no power in this universe that could keep us quiet. 

Because we as women have the capacity for passion, relationship, and communication that makes us dangerous to the kingdom of Hell.

Confused, Alone, and Discouraged

Once we believe that Jesus is the Son of God who came to save us,  we stumble through a little prayer, then are pronounced Christians.

A Bible is dropped in our laps, we’re told to go to church, and be “Christians.” And that is the extent of our education.

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But what about those of us who actually have a sense of humor or– God forbid– adventure? Or life is so busy we can barely breathe much less devote an hour to read and try to understand the Bible?

Or we fall asleep praying because, let’s face it, talking to the ceiling just ain’t what it’s cracked up to be? Or the unthinkable happens and God doesn’t answer our prayer? 

Everyone else seems to get it and look great but here you are drowning with a good Christian smile on your face?

Or you have a fantastic walk with the Lord but you’re alone, lonely, discouraged, and wondering what in the world is so unlovable about you?

I’ve been there.

And there is hope. Do you know why I’m sitting here writing this? Dragging my little black moleskin and Bic pen up mountains, into deserts, across state lines, to work, into my backyard, and to bed with me?

Because I’ve been there. And one thing that the church, bless its little heart, is doing wrong is allowing its women to drown in insecurity, anxiety, and despair.

We have not been equipped to be Christians. We have not be equipped to be warriors. And we certainly have not been equipped to be women.

That is why I’m writing this blog. I am done watching women like me drown in churches with smiles on their faces and broken hearts stuffed up their sleeves.

I am not an expert, but God has led me through more swamps and dark places than I care to remember most days. And he has taught me a few things.

I want to share what I’ve learned. Hopefully it will help you. And hopefully it will help you avoid some of the traps I’ve stumbled into.

For now, just know that God really does love you. He has never left you. And he never will.

 

Wait…Who’s a Threat?

The Enemy does all he can to separate us from the Creator’s love and open arms. So, my question shifted from “what’s wrong with me” to “what’s threatening about me” when I realized that one-half of the Creator’s children (i.e. women/feminine) is so profoundly exhausted, harried, lost, unprotected, fearful, and hardened. In a word: war-torn.

If I’m considering taking someone or something out, I will attack on of three things: 1) the weakest point, 2) the most beloved, or 3) the biggest threat. It’s simple logic! I’m not going to attack the bigger, more capable enemy, I’m going to either remove the biggest tactical advantage or damage the most meaningful thing or person to my enemy. Countless movies and books are written and sold out based on this premise.

My worldview proclaims that as humans, we are vulnerable because of our separation from our Creator.

Automatically, as fallen human beings, we are weak and generally unaware that we’re being slavered over by a vicious, ruthless, unseen enemy. Satan can attack us with impunity because we don’t even know we need a defense, much less how to go about setting one up!

If, however, we enjoy the re-connection with our Creator, then we have access to secure, foolproof defense and devastating offensive weapons that allow us to live in confidence, peace, and bad-ass security.

How does that work? It comes back to the fact that you are loved. God is so passionately and dizzyingly in love with you, He made a way for you to move from defenseless and broken to defended and whole. No wonder the Enemy doesn’t want us reconnecting with God! It’s easy to win a battle against broken, hopeless, defenseless people who don’t know a battle is raging. But through God’s miraculous love, you and I become very dangerous.

What’s So Threatening?

I often wonder what would happen if I just became. If I stopped trying to be or act like any- and everyone else and truly accepted me. Of course when people ask what I’d change about myself, I say I’m pretty happy with myself. Which is true– isn’t it?

My husband once took 24 days to hike the Colorado Trail (approximately 500 miles, with all the variations on the trail that he threw in for himself) from Denver to Durango. By himself. Straight through. He talks about how those 24 days were a microcosm of life and all he had was himself— to enjoy, confront, wrestle, and embrace. As he starts the story I find myself nodding and dreaming of doing the same. The some hidden, dragonish speck of my brain whispers that it’s just me. Alone. With myself. And immediately, the rest of my brain scuttles into houses, closets, under beds, bolts the doors, shutters the windows and nary a curtain waves in the breeze.

What is so terrible about me?! Some– not all– people like me. Several even love me! My husband– poor soul– knew many of my flaws and still chose to be my life buddy. If he can choose me for (hopefully) 50+ years, why do I run from the thought of myself for 24 days?

But lately, my question has shifted from “what’s wrong with me” to “what is so threatening about me?” Why the shift? I believe that there is a battle raging in the universe– impacting even the most mundane grocery run– I believe that we have a Creator who made each person, mountain, stream, raindrop, frog, flower, bug, cat, dog, and– yes– woman with a purpose of glory, meaning, impact, and beauty.

The battle started when the Enemy– he’s not my personal archenemy but God’s– decided he wanted to be the Creator. He wanted to be as beautiful, holy, worshipped, necessary, omnipotent, good, and beloved as the Creator was.

Does this sound familiar, ladies? It should. I’m convinced our catty comparisons and jealousies are an echo of this supernatural quarrel. So you can guess that happened next. That’s right. The enemy carefully and oh so casually went to the Creator’s most beloved friends and started a rumor. And just like that, relationships and reality unraveled just as the Enemy intended.

You may be wondering how this fits in with womanhood, but stick with me. It’s coming up. The unseen(ish) war between Creator and Enemy is conducted in the lives and interactions of the Creator’s children. The Creator has never given up on us and has gone to Hell and back to restore us to Him. So, if we are the Creator’s beloved, what will the Enemy attack? The beloved.

Welcome to the War Tent…

When you think of a woman, what comes to mind? Perhaps it’s an anatomical answer. Or an age answer or a female in a suit and heels, calling the shots or a mother with a husband, children, committees, and a house to run? What about a Christian woman? Or—possibly even worse—a “Proverbs 31 Woman”?

Whatever your mental image, I can bet that it is a) vague and b) not you. Don’t worry; it’s not me either. Womanhood is a vague, intimidating, just-this-side-of-dangerous concept. Can you feel it? The uncertainty, longing, disgust, and despair creeping up on you?

That is because womanhood is a dangerous topic that makes everyone just a little bit uneasy. Why? Because a woman unleashed is an awfully powerful thing.

You know Mother Nature? Mama Bear? “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? Humanity and creation both recognize the feminine as a wildly powerful, ravishingly beautiful, intensely untamable force.

So. Do you feel that way? I don’t. Not most of the time. At my best, I’m perky. At my worst, I’m annoying. But fierce? Powerful? Frightening? Me? Hardly.

So what happened to me—to us? Remember those poems about sorceresses, druids, shield maidens, and women so fiercely inspiring, nations rose and fell? I don’t know about you, but that’s not the woman I see blinking in the mirror at 6:30 in the morning. In fact, if I’m honest, I don’t even see a woman. I see a girl.

Depending on your worldview, the fact that women are encouraged to out-do men at being men– tackling the business world and domestic world simultaneously, while also walking the tightrope of gorgeous but not slutty, trim not flabby, makeup but not too much, feminine but not doormat– or encouraged to be stay at home moms without any other options might tell you a bit about the nature of womanhood.

Depending on who you are, those options may imply a progressive world where women can be who and what they want. Or you might think we still have a long way to go. Or even that we’ve fallen into an immoral society that entices women away from real work: raising and rearing children.

My worldview tells me that regardless of your particular perspective, femininity, and womanhood are under attack.

I’ve never once met a woman (including myself, by the way) who is content with her lot in life, much less who she is. Women in love with their careers are haggard from the necessity to out-pace men otherwise they’ll lose their hard-earned respect or position. Mothers who dote on their children and husbands are frazzled, unfulfilled, and insecure in whether or not they’re enough.

Women are overloaded, underfed (emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychologically), overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and constantly trying to be more, feel more, do more, talk less, look this way, be that person, take on the world, never miss a beat, and look fantastic doing it all.

Do you see what I see? Look. Really look. Society demands that woman do. So? If women spend their entire lives juggling their lives when will they ever have the chance to be? Be women?

Women aren’t machines but we the world sure expect us to act like it. Think back to the inspiring beauty, the windswept sorceress of poems, history, and fiction. Did they seem frazzled? Distracted? Too busy? Perfect? No.

That image was inspired by real women. I want to be that woman. I desperately want to be fierce, passionate, vibrant, and a force to be reckoned with. I’m tired of being attacked and torn to bits. My worldview tells me there is a way for me to be that woman. That, in fact, I was created specifically for that purpose.

Do you want to be that woman? Or, if you think that’s a bit far-fetched, at least make it through the day feeling like you aren’t a failure? You’ve come to the right tent, my friend. Step right in and we’ll get our makeovers started together.